A survey of 1200 women has revealed which sex positions are hated by all 3.5 billion of us, apparently.
In an attempt to infiltrate behind enemy lines and steal years of data correlated by women nationwide, the curious blokes at Men’s Health decided to ask the readers of Women’s Health to answer a few of their sex questions.
The results are as surprising and unwelcome to the men of the world as waking up to a wet dream.
This is the least favourite sex position of all the women surveyed. Sara Gottfried, M.D. OB/GYN, told Men’s Health, ‘The issue here is you may be ramming her cervix, which is why deep penetration is often more harmful than hot.’
Science has told us this sex position is the most dangerous for the bloke, resulting in more penile fractures than any other position. According to this survey it’s not all that fun for the girl either, with most women surveyed feeling insecure from these lofty heights.
Back up. Time to hang up your chaps and all your future hopes and dreams; it’s no good in reverse either.
Even the Old Faithful missionary isn’t safe from these harsh reviews. Apparently the position just doesn’t hit the right spots or result in optimum penetration. Gottfried added, ‘If you’re on the smaller end of the spectrum, this position doesn’t really accentuate your size.’
Apparently, all of us are just lazy fuckers when it comes to sex. The women surveyed say it’s too difficult to focus on receiving pleasure when they have to concentrate on helping the man find his happy place.
So take turns playing, kids. Find solace in each other. Just make sure you share.
As a consequence of this alarming (but remember, not altogether representative) news, we can only pray for those men about to go forth into the breach and attempt sex acrobatics – and for the women who simply don’t see it coming.